Back in July when I was sitting right at 6 weeks out from Ironman CdA I wrote to you about my thoughts on getting through the next six weeks till the big day. At that time I was motivated but tired as I had already put in one rehab, months of training, and three races. Even though I was excited I was already beginning to be ready for it to be over. I was missing the time with my husband, tired of the early mornings, and long days.
Questioning. Sometimes wondering why I chose to do this. Why I chose to wake up at 4:30 am every morning to train, to chose a bike ride over golf with my husband, or a run over a late night out?
Now almost three months late I'm sitting at about the same point, 6 weeks out from Ironman Arizona, and I wanted to share my thoughts on the next six weeks from this point on. They are similar, with some slight differences.
Motivation: There is more at stake for me for Ironman Arizona. I'm not sure if it is retribution, justification, or anger that makes the desire to cross the finish line at IM AZ more important. It is not like the lady who hit me will ever know any different but I have this desire to prove that her complete negligence and seemingly lack of care for humans in general can't stop me.
Nervous: I think at the moment I am still so focused on trying to get myself to where I think I need to be that the nerves haven't settled in to much yet. They are there though. Wondering will my body be able to handle the next six weeks while it is still trying to fully recover from the accident? Will my ankle hold up to a marathon after riding 112 miles?
Excitement: Especially after watching parts of Kona yesterday the excitement for finally being able to undertake the journey I have been working so hard to do. Excited that my family will be able to be there and that I am continuing this journey with a great friend!
Weather: I think more about the weather than I ever did during Ironman CdA training. It gets dark so much earlier now and the rain seems to be dropping much sooner than it ever used to (maybe I just notice that because I'm needing to be out in it). I have to spend a lot more time on the trainer than I did during Ironman CdA training, and that is difficult for me.
Trainers: I hate the trainer. I am not a good at it. When I know that I have to be on it I have a hard time motivating.
Desire: This pairs along with motivation but my desire to cross that line seems to have increased after the accident. Again I think I feel I have something I need to prove. Prove that nothing can keep me down.
Tired: I wish I could say that being tired is not there. That my motivation to get back at the lady that hit me by hearing those words "YOU ARE AN IRONMAN" is stronger than me being tired. There are still those days, especially when it is dark and grey, that the last thing I want to do is go for a bike ride. This lady took what was supposed to be an 8 month journey and turned it into an 11 month one, with two instead of just one rehab. There are days when I still wonder why I did this.
Belief: I've always believed I could do it, that has never been an issue. However, as I watch my body respond to the rehab and increasing my training I feel I have to believe even more in myself. As the doctor thought I was nuts to be doing an Ironman after this and even sometimes my physical therapist (who believes strongly in me) isn't sure I will be able to do it. But I know that I can and I know that I will do it as strongly as I can! I will cross that finish line.
I could probably continue on for a while about all the thoughts that run through my mind when I think about Ironman Arizona, my training, and the accident (there is a lot to think about on long rides and runs) but I can guarantee I'd start to bore you. So today I leave you with the above, as I need to get out on that bike before the rain hits.
HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE!!!! GO OUT THERE AND CONQUER THE WORLD!!!